The best part of waking up…is not having to get out of bed.

Last month my electric bill was shocking.

You know your boat could use more power when someone in a paddle boat laps you.

I hate cleaning the bathroom so much, I dream of finding the Tidy Bowl Man instead of Prince Charming.

I never knew how it felt to get sea sick in the pool until I took a cruise.

The problem with fast food is that it slows down when it hits my stomach.

To everybody who remembered Flag Day today, I salute you.

When you’re old, the wrong side of the bed is the one farthest from the bathroom.

Most of the time when I go hiking I’m just trailing along.

There’s something about lakes that always seems fishy to me.

I don’t think we should let men watch the Indy 500.  It only encourages them to drive around in circles.

Memorial Day is a time to remember all those brave men and women who sacrificed their lives so we could have a day off work.

My husband used to pitch woo.  But now he’s retired the side.

Kids today are better qualified to become sherpas than codebreakers, since they’d rather carry their books on their backs than figure out their locker combinations.

The only time I’ve ever actually hit the showers was when I slipped and fell.

I would have freedom of speech if I didn’t get so tongue tied.

You’ll never see a Clinton surfing.  Too much white water.

My family’s idea of “roughing it” on vacation is to get a motel room without Wi-Fi.

Water skiing is the perfect sport for people who like being jerked around.

I’ve had about as much luck on my diet as Congress has had balancing the budget.