Illegal Walking

by Melanie White

P = Police officer

W = Walker

P:         Please come to a complete halt and keep your hands where I can see them.

W:        What seems to be the problem, officer?

P:         Don’t play dumb with me.  You saw the sign.

W:        What sign?

P:         The stop sign.

W:        Yeah, I did.  So what?

P:         You just walked right past it.  You didn’t even bother to slow down.

W:        Yeah, so what?

P:         Don’t get smart with me.  Let me see you license.

W:        My what?

P:         Your license.

W:        I don’t have it with me.  I didn’t think I’d need my driver’s license to go for a walk.

P:         Okay.  So that’s walking a stop sign and walking without a license.  What about your insurance?

W:        Insurance?

P:         Pedestrian insurance.

W:        I’ve never heard of that before.

P:         Ignorance is no excuse.  All pedestrians are required to have at least minimum liability insurance.

W:        Why?

P:         In case of…of…hey, I’m the one who’s asking the questions here.  Where are you going?

W:        That’s none of your business.

P:         Shut your smart mouth and answer the question.

W:        Don’t I have the right to remain silent?

P:         Not when you’re talking to me you don’t.  Now, tell me where you’re going.

W:        I’m not going anywhere.  I’m just out for a little exercise.

P:         A little exercise, eh?  That’s a likely story.  Sounds to me like you were not only walking without insurance, you were walking without a purpose.  Turn around.

W:        Why?

P:         Because, I told you to, you little punk.

W:        Okay, okay.

P:         Just as I suspected – no tail lights.

W:        No what?

P:         No tail lights.  All walkers must have functional tail lights.

W:        Where would I put them?

P:         Where do you think you would put tail lights, you idiot?  On your backside!  Now, the charges against you are really starting to get serious.  I might just have to take you down to the station and book you.

W:        Maybe we could cut a deal. My wife is at home, and she’s the one that put me up to this whole, stupid, exercise thing.  Yeah, yeah.  She’s the mastermind behind this whole, crazy walking racquet.  Once you nail her, this whole walking syndicate thing will crumble.

P:         So it’s a gang operation, huh?  Just as I suspected.  I’m going to crack this thing wide open.  Okay, take me to your leader, but no funny business.  Then, maybe I can see about dropping some of these charges against you, and you’ll get off easy.

W:        Just follow me.

P:         I’m afraid I can’t let you walk, any more.

W:        That’s fine with me.  Just don’t tell my wife I didn’t walk – she’d kill me.