Confession

(dramatic monologue for a woman age 30-45)

by Melanie White

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It’s been, well, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been to confession.  I think the last time was when I was 16 and confessed to losing my virginity.  I can’t remember how many Hail Mary’s I had to do for that one.  And between you and me, I was too busy being young and stupid to do them all.  Maybe if I had, my life would have gone better.

But here I am, and we probably don’t have time to go into all the sins I’ve committed.  I’ve probably broken pretty much every commandment in the Good Book.  Haven’t killed anyone yet, but there have been lots of times I wanted to.

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk to you about is my lack of faith.  Lately I’ve been thinking that there is no God.  I’m sure it’s a mortal sin of some kind, and I’m terrified I’ll go to Hell.  But I just wonder whether God really exists, and if He does, why He hates me.

Okay, I admit, I’m not the best person in the world, but I’ve got a good heart.  I always try to do the right thing, and it always ends up bad.  Like when I cleaned up and got a waitressing job, so I could be a good mother, you know?  I had to leave my kids at home alone while I was at work – couldn’t afford to pay for both the babysitting…and the bills. Then somebody reported me to Child Protective Services.  And they took my kids away.  So I figured, what the hell, and started using again.  Lost my job and apartment – now I’m out on the street – going from shelter to shelter, free lunch to free lunch.

So, you see, God doesn’t give a shit about me.  Excuse my language, Father.  And it’s not just me; it’s all the stuff going on in the world.  Racial discrimination…hate…killing.  Why does God let all that happen if He really is a kind and loving God like we’re told He is?  That leads me to think that there’s no God at all.  Isn’t that terrible?  Not to believe in God?

That’s why I’m here today, Father.  I’m hoping you can restore my faith.  Maybe even help me figure out how to get my kids back.  What do ya say?  Can you help me?