Unconditional Love
You hear a lot about unconditional love, but like many things, it’s easier said than done. As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, I’d like to think I practice unconditional love with everybody I care about, but it seems to be harder to do so with them than with people I care less about.
One of the problems has to do with expectations. We don’t expect much from people we don’t care about, so they never run the risk of disappointing us. However, people we truly care about run the risk of making decisions that we disapprove of and think are wrong.
One of my daughters pointed this out to me one day. Keep in mind that I am very a Type A personality while she is a very Type B personality. She was making choices that I thought were harmful and basically living in a way that I myself wouldn’t. But she gently told me, “Just because I don’t do things the way you would do them doesn’t mean I am doing them wrong.” And I realized that she was right. My way isn’t the only way; it’s just my way.
Everybody learns from their own experiences. Although I might want to prevent the people I love from having pain or doing things that would cause them to have problems, I can’t really do that. And I’m even learning not to give unsolicited advice. Unless someone has asked for my help, giving it could actually seem annoying and probably isn’t going to assist them with learning anything. Only when we are ready for the lesson can we get something out of an experience.
Just recently someone close to me spent quite a lot time explaining to me about how selfish I am and told me about all kinds of negative things I was thinking that I wasn’t aware of. The old me would have internalized this negativity and made myself miserable. But this time I didn’t do that. I realized that this person was looking at me from their own unique perspective. I’m sure everything they were saying they thought was true even though I wasn’t aware of any of the negativity in myself that they were crediting to me.
I also realized that this person was coming from a place that had to do with their own interests rather than from a place of unconditional love. They had expectations about how they wanted me to be and behave and love them. And when I didn’t meet that expectation, they were disappointed with me. This is another example of someone who wants to love unconditionally but whose human nature got in the way.
We all need and want to be loved and hope that those we care about the most will do so unconditionally. But just remember when either we or they fail in that quest, it’s because human nature got in the way. The best we can do is recognize this and do our best to keep trying to love and be loveable.
Joke: Love knows no bounds, but any woman can tell you what’s off limits.
Quote: "Love is unconditional: it is neither aroused nor diminished by the other's value or qualities; it is a spontaneous gift that seeks nothing for the giver." – Simon May, Love: A History
Advice: Think about what you can do to make someone else happy, and then you will be acting from a place of unconditional love.