Pumpkins
Why do farmers take pumpkin picking so seriously? Because it’s a weighty activity.
The best thing about pumpkin shaped candy is that it doesn’t taste anything like pumpkin.
When you buy pumpkins, it’s similar to when someone hands you a flyer. You take it because you think you’re supposed to, and you hold onto it long enough so that you don’t hurt anybody’s feelings before you throw it away.
I believe huger motivates ingenuity. Otherwise, nobody would have ever cracked open a pumpkin and said, “Let’s eat this.”
What do you get after smashing pumpkins? An alternative jam.
I figured out why my belly is so big. I ate too many pumpkin seeds.
My husband is so cheap that he’d rather buy a pumpkin and extract the seeds than pay top dollar for them at the health food store.
If Carrot Top had smashed pumpkins instead of watermelons, he might have been able to add some music to his act.
Have you ever noticed that when people turn pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns they usually make a face?
What’s a jack-o-lantern’s motto? No guts, no glory.
Why doesn’t a jack-o-lantern have any feelings? Because it’s hollow inside.
We could learn something from jack-o-lanterns because they really know how to let their lights shine.
You can tell a pumpkin anything, and it will gourd your secret.
Why should you never fill a pumpkin with liquor? So it won’t get smashed.
I wish I was a pumpkin. Then my roundness would be normal.
What did the female jack-o-lantern say to the male jack-o-lantern? You light up my life.
Why are jack-o-lantern’s never stressed? Because they don’t burn the candle at both ends.
What happens when you make a mistake while carving a pumpkin? It gets really jacked up.
Why did Cinderella have to walk home after midnight? Her pumpkin carriage caught her off gourd.
How do you get people to stop eating pie at Thanksgiving? Apply the pumpkin patch.