People Can Change

My mother will be celebrating her 79th birthday this week.  She and I are very close now, but that hasn’t always been the case.  There was a time when we butted heads.  Although I was told by many of my relatives and her friends that I was lucky to have her for a mother, I just didn’t see it.

I felt like she didn’t trust me when I was in college and living at home and she would sleep on my bed to make sure I got home by my 11 pm curfew on weekdays and 1 pm curfew on weekends.  I remember having to leave New Year’s parties just a little after midnight to be home in time.  And when I did get in late, she would inevitably wake me up early to grill me about what I had done the night before.

I felt like I was a pretty good kid – not a drinker, not into drugs – I studied hard and got good grades.  But I thought she treated me like I was a bad kid.  I guess for her generation premarital sex and its risk of pregnancy was something to really worry about with your young daughter.  And now having daughters of my own, I understand her better, but back then…. I remember her implying that I would be considered a slut if I didn’t wear a strapless bra with my strapless dress. We had a huge fight about that.

And I remember when she would get mad at me for telling her something I thought was a truth that she didn’t want to hear, she’d get mad at me and not talk to me for weeks.  That really hurt me.  I used to think her views and beliefs were a bit hypocritical because the things she professed to believe didn’t always match up to the things she said and did.

But in the past few years, either she has changed or I have changed or we both have.  She is much softer now—much more accepting and less critical.  She is a real joy to be around, and I can really feel how much she loves me.  Maybe becoming a mother myself has helped me better understand my own mother and the challenges she faced.

It’s good to know that people can change for the better.  Sometimes we decide that certain people are negative influences, and we no longer want to be around them.  That can be very helpful for a time as long as we’re also looking at the things we’re doing and whether we might be contributing to the problem in the relationship.

Nobody is perfect, and it’s good to know that most people are doing the best they can in any given situation.  So if there’s a loved one in your life who you have spoken to in a long time and you’re still holding on to negative feelings about that person, consider letting all that go.  You may or may not want that person back in your life, but if you decide to try again with that relationship, you may find that you are both better people than you were before.

We’re here on this planet to grow and to discover who we are.  Maybe, just maybe, you and those around you have changed for the better as time has gone by, you can love being together again—just like I love being with my mom now.

Joke:  I have no doubt my mother wanted me.  She told me all the time she wanted me to dust, vacuum, do the dishes…” 

Quote:  “Some things are infinite.  There’s no biggest number, no farthest star, no end to my love for you.” – Unknown

Advice:  Your mother may not be perfect, but try to remember that she’s probably doing the best she can!