Happy Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day, so I took the opportunity to wish all the moms I know a “Happy Mother’s Day.”  I’m not sure you can really understand how tough it is to be a parent until you are one—no disrespect to anyone out there without kids, but it is a challenge.  One day you’re living your life, and the next day you’re helping children under your care lead their lives.  Sometimes it feels like you don’t have a life of your own any more.  You’re busy feeding your kids, making sure they get enough sleep, keep from harming themselves, and teaching them stuff you know they need to know but don’t seem interested in learning.  It’s the toughest, most thankless job there is.  

Maybe you don’t think you notice, but one day, maybe they will surprise you like my daughter did.  A sarcastic teenager, she asked me to proof a paper she had to turn in for English class.  The topic was to write about someone she admired, and she wrote about me!  I couldn’t believe it.  I asked her if she believed all the things she wrote in the paper, and she said she did.  By the way she treated me, you could never tell that this was what was in her heart.

So on this day set aside to remember everything your mother has done for you to make you the great person you are, thank her if she is still on this Earth, and if not, take a minute to remember her lovely spirit.

Last week was teacher appreciation week, and I took a minute to email all my son’s teachers to thank them for all their hard work and especially for taking care of my son, who is on the autism spectrum.  A few of them replied, and one of them, my son’s English teacher sent me this response:

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. The last 3 years have been harder than I expected in ways I couldn't have predicted. Words of encouragement, like yours, really continue to give me the push and perspective I need to keep moving forward with my kids.

I absolutely adore your son; he is great. Truly, I very much enjoy his presence in my class and his perspective of the world. The other students, well, most of them - a few do, don't fully realize the gift he is in our presence.

You have an amazing son and that is not a comment I make lightly or as a cliché. Since my own son's diagnosis with Autism, and the struggles we have all faced as a family, trying to navigate with him what the world will look like for him, and how the world will look at him -- I see the hope, and I acknowledge there is also fear, but I am a much better, more compassionate person with people like your son and my son in my life. Thank you for sharing him with us and sending him to this high school.

Again, thank you for your kind words and your gratitude - I accept. And with Mother's Day coming up, let me wish you an early Happy Mother's Day as the sacrifices people like you make on behalf of their kids shape the trajectory of their lives, and their friends' lives, and the lives of those who consider you a mother figure to them, and beyond. You, too, have a role as a mother that is often overlooked and thankless, but who lay the foundation for an actual human. I wouldn't be where I am or turned out like I have (despite my rebellion and at least a dozen of my formative years fighting against her much better judgment) if it weren't for my stubborn, committedly-determined, resilient and unconditionally loving mother. Between my brother and I she took [many] for the team and still showed up, still showed us compassion (especially when we deserved a justifiably violent response LOL), and it was in those moments that she quietly, without my knowledge - or permission - showed me what it means to sacrifice, advocate, care, listen to, understand, and respond in love to others.

I've spent a *little [*lot] of time apologizing to her as an adult and making amends for being someone, for a longer time than I should have, being a person she did not raise me to be. But she constantly, still, reminds me that love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. And love is not as often a feeling as it is a choice.

So thank you. Thank you. I get the sense that you do for your son what my mom did for me. There is probably a lot that goes into your commitment and love for him that he doesn't realize. Protecting and advocating for a child with needs like his, especially as they get older and life becomes more complex, is absolutely worth all the sleep, the phone calls, the appointments, the questions, and the constant fighting to get everyone to see your son as a person and not as a diagnosis, as a person deserving of dignity and patience in a world that would rather dismiss than listen. It is exhausting. It would crush normal people. But every day you wake up, push your son gently out the door with love and hope, and you strap the boulder to your back, again, and keep walking it up the mountain.

I wish I could offer more to you than words, but please know that every single one of them is sincerely, and deeply meant.

Have a wonderful day. And do something for yourself. Coffee? Nap? A Netflix true crime documentary binge? Whatever gives you life and reminds you that you are important, too - do THAT thing.”

God bless this teacher, and I hope all you mothers out there take a minute to do THAT thing for yourselves that makes your heart sing!

Joke: I gave my mom a special treat on Mother's Day. I actually took her advice.  

Quote:  Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a mother.

Advice: You only have one mother; try to love her despite all her faults and failures, and try to remember she was probably doing the best she could given her circumstances..