Chores

  1. I wouldn’t mind housework so much if it just paid better.
  2. I hate making the bed so much, I’ve decided to just sleep in top of my comforter.
  3. I’ve gotten so good at bribing my kids to do their chores, I think I’m ready to run for office.
  4. My husband seems to think that dirty dishes will clean themselves as long as he puts them in the sink.
  5. They should change the man’s wedding vow to “I will love, honor, and take out the trash.”
  6. They should change the woman’s wedding vow to “I will love, honor, and make Thanksgiving dinner while he watches football on tv.
  7. I once tried to hire someone to clean my house, but she said she wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot feather duster.
  8. I always know where I put things, but sometimes I can’t dig deep enough to find them.
  9. My mother’s house is so clean, it’s criminal.  She even makes me wear gloves, so I won’t leave finger prints on anything.
  10. I figured out a way to never have to vacuum again, but I haven’t mastered swinging from the chandeliers.
  11. If they can make self-cleaning ovens, why not self-cleaning toilets?
  12. Just like Cinderella, I’ve cooked and cleaned all my life, but Prince Charming never came to rescue me.  Instead, I’ve got leftovers and dishpan hands.
  13. I think every woman needs a premarital agreement dividing the household chores up 50-50.
  14. A woman’s work is never done until she gives her husband a list of chores to do.